Friday, December 5, 2008

I am...


This has been a very introspective week for me, which has lead me to various difficult conversations. I've taken the first steps to rebuilding an old friendship and lost the possibilities of another. Right now I am taking deep breaths and listening to Beyonce. I am who I am and I'm proud of what I've been able to come to terms with. A friend recently asked me if I have any regrets. I do. But this passage from The Unbearable Lightness of Being makes me think again.

We can never know what to want, because, living only one life, we can neither compare it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come.
There is no means of testing which decision is better, because there is no basis for comparison. We live everything as it comes, without warning, like an actor going on cold. And what can life be worth if the first rehearsal for life is life itself? That is why life is always like a sketch. No, "sketch" is not quite the word, because a sketch is an outline of something, the groundwork for a picture, whereas the sketch that is our life is a sketch for nothing, an outline with no picture.
Einmal ist keinmal.

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